I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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