We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Randomize
