What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
