I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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