There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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