I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
