return my video game
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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