then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
