I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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