im drinking this country out of the recession.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
