i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want nice things and good sex
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
