Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
