its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
