She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
