apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
