I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
