we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
