im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
