I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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