i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
