Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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