What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
