This is not my ceiling
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
