my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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