highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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