It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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