Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
