I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
