I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Success! We fucked roommates!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
