Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
