I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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