i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
