duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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