My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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