So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she smelled like a LAN party
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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