He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
