I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
