So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
