like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
