So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
