a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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