are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
