yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
