just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
