The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
