I didn't shave. On purpose
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
