A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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