It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
