went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
