you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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