It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
