I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
