her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
