i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
