we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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