We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
