she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
