Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
